Thursday, December 22, 2011

Our Elf on the Shelf

My Girl was just giddy
For this Elf at her School
She said he's "For Real"
With a no touching rule!

I was excited to discover
She could have her own Elf
When we happened to spot one
On a bookstore shelf!!

Our Elf's name is Mario
Straight from the North Pole
Santa sent him to watch us
So be good or get coal!

Guest Post

Thanks to Melissa from the Blog Content Guilt for sharing my latest post & writing a Guest Post for my Blog!  Both My Girls celebrate their Birthday in January & I LOVE these ideas!

Great Ideas for My Little Girl’s Birthday Party

If you have a little girl, you want their birthday to be as magical and special as the day she was born. Why not celebrate in style by trying one of these birthday themes that will surely bring a big, beaming smile to your little girl’s face?

- Princess Theme

Everyone likes dressing up as a princess, from toddlers to late childhood. If your little girl loves dressing up, a princess theme could be the perfect theme for her. Hand deliver glittered invitations to all the invitees and always address them to “Princess ____” or “Duke ____” instead of using their real names. Make a banquet table that stretches for the whole length of the kitchen or patio and decorate it with glitter and fake candelabras. You can make the head of the table a throne, gilded and lifted so the birthday girl sits high. As party favors, hand out paper crowns.

- Fairy Land Theme

Turn your house into a fairyland by throwing your girl a fairy-themed birthday party! You can set up an enchanted forest by making cardboard trees, spray-painted in silver and glitter. Use your girl’s favorite colors to accent your fairyland. If she loves blue, you could hang blue streamers from the ceiling to add to the enchanted forest brush. Decorate the tables with mushrooms and rabbits. As an activity you could have a face-painter paint all the girls like fairies. The girls will have a great time playing around their enchanted forest in fairy wings. For a snake, you can serve enchanted Jello decorated with edible, colored confetti.

-  Jungle Party

If you have a little girl who loves animals, you could throw a jungle-themed party! Get different cutouts of animals or litter the house with stuffed animals. You can make your living room into a jungle with fake vines, trees, and brush. Decorate the table with moss and exotic-looking flowers. You can use animal-print napkins and plates to go with your jungle layout. For dessert, serve a chocolate cake with green icing, decorated with giraffe and monkey figurines.

Just remember, ask your daughter what kind of party she wants. If she loves Mario, go out and get some Mario birthday party supplies! Same with a zoo theme or wizard theme. Get creative and have fun and, no matter what, your daughter will have a fantastic birthday.

Thanks again to Melissa C. from Blog Content Guild for the Guest Post!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Fall Decorating with the Kids

The kids & I enjoyed a nice walk through the local nature trails this week & loved looking for Fall leaves to help decorate our dining room table for Thanksgiving. 

After collecting leaves of every shape & color on our walk, the kids washed and dried their favorites for us to glue onto the glass vases I found for our centerpiece.  All you need is a little spray adhesive to place the leaves where you desire!  We decided to put our leaves around the base of our vases and trim the edges. 

Place your favorite fresh cut flowers or candles in your vase to finish off the look!  I thought the bright yellow & orange were perfect!

Happy late Thanksgiving all!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

We Made a Scarecrow!

My Son may be short a Fall outfit, but we have a Scarecrow now! 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Morning After - Funny Or Die?

Public Service Announcement:

  A reminder to keep an eye on your intake of Green Ghoul &  Devil's Handshake this Halloween evening!  This could be you the next morning....


Monday, October 10, 2011

Happy Halloween

My Girls decorated the house for Halloween
while I was a work today!!  Sooo scary!! 

Oh yeah...
that's a skeleton on the floor!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

We Miss You Scooby!

My Girl Nicole and I made a video tribute to our old pal Scooby!

We Love & Miss You Scooby!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Sunday, September 18, 2011

R.I.P. Admiral Scruffington

This week was tough for our family & especially Nicole! Our precious 4 legged friend Scooby passed away at only 5 years (can you believe this?) from Lymphoma. This came as quite a shock to all of us, as just two weeks ago he accompanied us on a weekend get away and held his own with 2 dogs twice his size!

Near the end we knew Scooby's options were slim. Letting him go was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do! I was extremely proud of My Girl's strength through the whole process. She was insistent that she go with Scooby to the 24 Hour Emergency Clinic & stayed by his side until the vet took him away.

The following day My Girl asked if we should call and tell her "1st Dad" that Scooby was in Heaven. I had anticipated this request, but it still caught me off guard. Scooby had been a gift from us both, so there was a memory attached. I was not surprised by her thoughtfulness and the urge to share her loss. I was sad that there was no one on the other end for her to share it with.


Sunday, September 4, 2011

Back to School Time!


My Girls are getting so big! 
One in Kindergarten & one in Fifth Grade!!  

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dear Ex Husband~

Today I registered our Daughter for Kindergarten!  It's been an eventful couple of days to get it all done, but well worth the prize.  I'm not sure why, but I could not find her Birth Certificate, so yesterday I spent two hours at the Bureau of Vital Statistics.  Between the babies crying, the ridiculous lines & the "next number served" screaming loudly over the intercom, I managed to take a conference call & start work on a project.  I somehow left with my sanity.  On a side note, our oldest Daughter was very intrigued by this Birth Certificate.  I watched as she rubbed her finger back and forth across your name. 

This morning was spent driving almost two hours to & from the pediatrician to get her a Hepatitis A vaccine we somehow missed during the annual well check ups.  Just so you know, My Girl is 46" tall & weighs 48 lbs.  She has changed so much since you saw her last.  She was petrified about getting this shot & actually cried when the nurse walked over.  It amazes me how the Doctor makes it all better with a slap bracelet & lollipop!

My girl has her Princess backpack & her big Sister's Princess lunch bag from 3 years ago packed and ready to go for her first day of Kindergarten!  This is a day no parent should miss....especially when they have the choice.  I'm not sure why I felt compelled to share the days events, it just felt necessary.

We celebrated by going fishing!!  :)

Monday, August 8, 2011

My Kido's snorkeling!

Yes, My boy is wearing pink floaties!  LOL 
 (He does have two big sisters!) 

Saturday, August 6, 2011

An Oldie but a Goodie!

And you're a, So What!  ~Pink

Friday, August 5, 2011

My Girl loses her first tooth!!

This week my youngest Daughter finally lost her FIRST baby tooth.  I say finally, as her tooth needed to come out for days (maybe even weeks~lol) and she has been too scared to let anyone touch it!  After much coercing, she built up the courage to pull it out on her own.  I would like to add, enticing her with money from the Tooth Fairy was probably my best persuasion tactic!  ;)

That same night we performed a ritual we had done many times.  We placed her tooth in the special Tooth Fairy pillow & recited the Tooth Fairy poem.  The pillow was a gift for my oldest Daughter & has always been very special to her.  I know it was difficult, but in honor of this momentous occasion, she passed the pillow down to her Sister.  She also taught her the Tooth Fairy poem & helped her when she stumbled on the words.

Love MyGirls!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day!

To My Wonderful Husband & Father to My Children...

A dad is a person
Who's loving and kind,
And often he knows
What you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens,
Suggest and defends...
A dad can be one
Of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
But when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient
And helpful and strong.
In all that you do
A dad's love plays a part -
There's always a place for him
Deep in your heart -
And each year that passes,
You're even more glad,
More grateful and proud
Just to call him your dad!

-Unknown Author

Friday, June 17, 2011


Like the corners of my mind!~

May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget

So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Stranger at the Door

Tonight my Daughter re-told me the story of the evening when her Father left her alone in our first home.   Flashbacks of that day went racing through my mind.  I clearly remember the phone call that sent me rushing home from the office.   It had been a long time since she had mentioned the occasion, and she still explained the night exactly as before.  But this time there was a slight deviation in her memory.  She added a specific fact that was so quintessential of an alcoholic, I'm surprised she never pointed it out before. 

Nicole explained this time that she always knew when her Dad was about to leave her by the ritual he performed before rushing out to the store.  She recalled being coaxed to my bedroom by the promise of Sponge Bob in Mommy & Daddy's cushy bed.  She wanted to ask if her little sister could join her in that king size retreat, but she knew he would leave her upstairs in the crib.

While she was talking, I had a sick feeling that this scenario happened more times than I knew.  This time there were two things that my girls Dad did not plan on disrupting his calculating plan.  As Nicole watched Spongebob, she heard the doorbell ring.  She described to me in detail how she peered out the small window looking out on our front porch.  She did not recognize the man she saw staring back at her. 

As any 5 year old girl would do, she told me how she called for Daddy while roaming throughout the house.  When she could not find him, the fear that she was alone with a stranger soon set in.  I smiled to hear that her first instinct was to climb into the crib with her little Sister!  I know now that my girl is so motherly and protective for a reason.  She recalled how she covered herself and her Sister with a blanket and called me from the home phone.  That was the second thing Nicole's Dad did not plan for.

At this point in her story, I was silently pleased to see that her memory had began to fade.  She noted a few more highlights of that momentous night, many things of which I have chosen to forget.  My mind started to wander as she concluded.  I was thinking how thankful I was to finally hear some contentment in her voice.  I could tell she was starting to understand her situation and accept the fact that her Father is an Alcoholic.  I hated to even remind her that it will be 4 years on Father's Day since she had last seen him.  That is certainly not an Anniversary a little girl should have to mark on her calendar.

p.s.  Nicole has only told her story to a handful of people, so you should feel honored if you ever hear it in person.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I recommend taking the Enabling quiz!

Enabling - When 'Helping' Doesn't Really Help - By @Buddy_T

As long as the alcoholic has his enabling devices in place, it is easy for him to continue to deny he has a problem -- since most of his problems are being "solved" by those around him.  Only when he is forced to face the consequences of his own actions, will it finally begin to sink in how deep his problem has become.

Click HERE to see if you are an Enabler

All you are is Mean...

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody's listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Taylor Swift

Sunday, June 5, 2011

It's a sad "Look"

It's a rare occasion that I bring up my ex-husband in a group setting.  I certainly didn't mean to do it yesterday, but it just slipped out!  My new Father-in-Law was telling a story about restaurants in New York and it reminded me of when I had been to the same well known Deli.  In conversation I mentioned that I had eaten there with my ex on a weekend get-a-way! 

I think in most families such a blurb would have been a trivial comment, but in my case it was pivotal remark.  I would soon remember why I seldom mention him when we are out.  I nonchalantly glanced down at Nicole as I made the slip of the tongue.  I knew I might have upset her.  At first I saw the shock and confusion on her face, as she too knew this was a rare occasion.  Her dazed look instantly changed into a somber frown as I confirmed that I was indeed talking about her Daddy.  She had intently been listening to our stories up until that point. 

As we continued to chat about food, it wasn't long before Nicole slithered off to be alone.  I knew as she walked away I should intervene.  My Girl was unexpectedly reminded of the Dad she hasn't seen in almost 4 years.  What do you say to a 10 year old that is saddened at the mention of her very own Father?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Nicole's Diary

It's fun to play games
but watching the clouds
can bring back memories
I was visiting my grandparents
it felt like the longest trip in the world
and I just watched the clouds

Clouds are fun
but not the best
there is more fun things
Just to keep it simple
Fun is shared with laughter

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Pathological Liar - A future letter from my Daughter....

By ~tas-poetry

It is no mystery
That your lips only speak of fictional stories
You use to compose your identity
Not a word you speak has any resemblance with truth
For you are made of a thick façade of lies
Whether it be big or small, you care not
As long as there is no glimpse of honesty
Underlying in the words you speak
For the revelation of truth is what you fear most

I know that those lies masquerade
An overt denial of unpleasant realities
I know that deep down you are a tormented soul
That lies provide you with relief
A relief you long for
I know that you are a stranger in your own body
But you have lost all credibility now
Your lies are inconsistent
You are no longer a father
But a manipulative man
That only breeds chaos in our family

Your deception is no longer welcome
You, Dad, are no longer welcome in my life
Now it is my time to neglect you
The way you neglected me
For the way you abused my mother
For the emptiness you have left in my heart
As I grew up without a father
For all the promises you have broken deliberately
But even more so, for making promises
That you had no intention on keeping

Yes, I know that you use lies
To cover up the dirt of your insecurities
And I know that when you left me
You knew you left a big part of you
In the wilderness to grow up
Without fifty percent of the guidance I needed
But my mother and I are better off without you
Because you are too stubborn to admit the guilt
You feel in a small space in your heart
You are too arrogant to admit your faults
And you have too much pride
To apologize
And even if you did
It would be a lie
Because that has become your nature

You are the oxygen that abandoned my lungs
You are the blood that escaped my heart
And every time I pass my reflection in the mirror
I see you
The ugliness of you
That I inherited
I have all the physical attributes you have
Our faces are identical
But even worse
I have your mind
Your insecurities
Your stubbornness
Your emotional immaturity
Your weaknesses
I am ugly because of you

But there are things that I am proud of
I have compassion
The ability to respect
The ability to love
None of which you have
But all of which my mother has taught me
The beautiful woman you married
The woman you scarred
And yes the woman that survived
All of your abuse and emotional torture
The woman that has taught me the meaning of inner strength
The woman you imprisoned for years
Who finally escaped
From the bars of your lies
She is my inspiration
My idol
My mother

And most importantly
I am proud
That I speak the truth
And if I do not speak the truth
Then I refuse to speak at all
A quality you will never have
I am better than you, Dad
And I cannot forgive you
Because that would be betraying
The woman that raised me
The woman that loved me
The woman that gave me all that you didn’t

You're a pathological liar. ~tas-poetry on @deviantART

Want a good laugh???  Check out the comments below from an "Anonymous" poster who for some reason feels the need to defend a man who hasn't seen his kids in nearly 4 years!  There's always one!  ;)

You should really "Google" that phrase! ;)

Justin Timberlake skit on SNL!
Just bring it on down to Liquorville...

Monday, May 16, 2011

I say a little prayer for you....

Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but by God there'll be dancing!

Subscribe to my Youtube:
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Little Girls Are Made of Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice! ;)

*This is an amateur video for a class project...but it gets the point across!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers Day!

I’ll love my mother all my days,
For enriching my life in so many ways.
She set me straight and then set me free,
And that’s what the word "mother" means to me.

Thanks for being a wonderful mother, Mom!

By Karl Fuchs

Thursday, May 5, 2011

To my Anonymous Poster who really needs to get a life...

My Blog...My RULES!!

Feel free to continue to share!

Hello: My Name Is

Dear Daddy~

I hate it when the girls on our soccer team ask why we don't have the same last name. What do I tell them, Daddy?

Every time they call my name over the intercom at school, I think of how I'm not your real daughter.  Why can't I have the same last name as you? 

-Nicole S.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Finding our true self is an important key to finding the answers many of us seek. Awareness of our authentic self broadens our world, increases our vision, unlocks our fullest potential and opens us to possibilities we never thought of or imagined. We become aware of the many forces at work in our lives -- both seen and unseen. We acknowledge these forces and strive to understand them, find our place among them and work with them, not against them.

Once we accomplish this, a deeper appreciation and awareness of the world and the events that unfold is achieved. 


Monday, May 2, 2011

Impromptu Pledge at Ground Zero

Osama Bin Laden is Dead: May 1, 2011

"The cause of securing our country is not complete. But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it's the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place."

"Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

"Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."

-Barack Obama

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury!


The Daddy Basket!

I "Stumbled Upon" this cute little basket left over from Easter!  It is now officially designated as The Daddy Basket....

I have decided I will place all cards from the ex and his family in this cute little color coordinating storage bin until they at least acknowledge my plea's or pretend that I exist! 

Oh yeah...those are Easter cards!

Should I share this with THE EXES or just stick to sharing with the world?? 

When you send your 10 year old daughter to a 12 year old Slumber Party...

You should fully expect her to come home no longer believing in Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny and a new found knowledge of periods!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Yeah, It's been a ride...

I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me

I'll get you there


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Open Hands

I made a Blog in search of me
For one who struggles similarly
Were they sharing this vast space
Could I find them to embrace

In my attempt to find that match
The surface I have yet to scratch
I've found more than I ever dreamed
Family here needs help it seems

One so close, but yet so far
Bloods the way we share our scars
In my attempt to just help me
I share my stories to help thee

I've also learned about my friends
Who's for real and who's pretend
I've reached out to less than dozens
Extended only to close cousins

The most grievous part of exposing your soul
Is expecting those near to close in your hole
When you dream that a flood of advice will pour in
But find nothing except silence comes from their end

As I question the emptiness I feel inside
That I know will eventually start to subside
A wise friend confirmed my suspicions were true
When humans fear closeness, it's them that are blue.

Those who retreat when you try to reach out
Don't intend to ignore you, but you can't lie about
So with this new knowledge I must change my plans
I'll broaden my audience to more Open Hands


Friday, April 8, 2011

The Twitter Game

by @mygirlslife

I'm currently testing my Twitter Game on friends & family! I invited them to play my game on 4/1.  Either no one has time to sit down and actually read anymore or they just have Twitter Phobia!  Either way, I now feel there is a desperate need for a DUMMIES VERSION.  ;) 

The Twitter GamFor Dummies 

In the meantime....see the original GAME BELOW!

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Twitter Game
By @MyGirlsLife

It’s fun & EVERYONE can play! 
If you like to "Facebook", you will absolutely LOVE The Twitter Game!!  Even If you're not an avid "Facebooker" like me, at least give it a try!  What have you got to lose? 


RULE #1:  DO NOT Make a Personal Twitter Account!  Make your Twitter Profile Your ALTER EGO!  It's time to put your thinking cap on!  You now have to decide who your Alter Ego is!!  Do you even have an Alter Ego?  I discovered mine purely by accident, so I'm very interested in hearing if it's difficult to come up with one on cue!  I think this could be the hardest part of the game for some!  Please don't think too hard though.  This game is meant to be FUN & the BEST part of Twitter is that you can change your identify (ie. Twitter Profile & Pic) at any time!  So if this first step is challenging for you, SKIP IT!  Pick your favorite cartoon character, make up a fake person, and start TWEETING!  
RULE #2:  Your Tweets and RE-Tweets MUST be REAL!  Originally I thought the aforementioned Rule was the only rule of the game.  But after writing it, I knew for certain I must add a few more.  Rule #2 is VERY important to thoroughly enjoy The Twitter GameUse your anonymity as an outlet to share with the world your inner feelings or just your random thoughts.  Who cares if nobody is reading them!  That's the BEST part of the game!  It's amazing how exhilarating it feels to put yourself "out there" with zero inhibitions.  Now I'm not saying you shouldn't sensor yourself a tad bit....there's always that chance your Alter Ego could be divulged. *insert disclaimer here!

RULE #3:  Follow People Who Make you HAPPY!  As you search the "Who to Follow" section while playing The Twitter Game, look for others that share similar interests as you.  If you are interested in reading new books, follow your favorite writer.  If you want the latest news updates, follow your favorite TV station.  Or If you just need a good laugh, follow your favorite comedian!  My favorite is Tosh.O!  I hope to get a web redemption some day!  LOL  The possibilities are endless!!  And don't be surprised that as you follow others, they will often in turn follow you.  You might discover your Alter Ego becomes more popular than you.  ;) 

RULE #4:  WHO Do You Invite To Play??  Only my friends know the true identity behind @mygirlslife, as you must be careful who you invite to play your Twitter Game!  You set yourself up to be very vulnerable by allowing others to hear your deepest thoughts and choose your followers wisely!  This rule comes with a disqualification clause.  Clause #1:  Don't EVER invite followers that you may be tempted to be too "REAL" about!  The Twitter Game is no fun if you hurt someones feelings while you play! 

RULE #5:  THIS RULE IS OPTIONAL!  Invite 6 friends to play The Twitter Game with you!  Blind CC each player the rules of the game.  But make sure they read THIS RULE!  Once everyone has begun playing the game, the fun begins!  You now have to try and figure out WHO the Alter Ego belongs to!  Rule # 5 has a disqualification clause as well!  Clause #2:  Once you think you have determined the true Alter Ego of one of your fellow Twitter gamers, send them a "Private Message" to see if you are right!  You don't want the spoil the game for other players!  Good luck!
Tips & Tricks:
*Download the Twitter APP to your Smart Phone for instant access.  
*Try Tweeting your "To Do" list for record keeping.
*Save the Twitter LINK as a favorite or on your desktop.  
*RE-Tweet articles you want to go back and read later.
*Follow Me for future Tips & Tricks.
*Have as MANY Alter Egos as you want!  I have 3 for now!  ;)

I will feel like I have WON the The Twitter Game when I no longer need my Alter Ego!  I would LOVE to know if YOU ever win the game?

In closing, I must forewarn you!  If you choose to follow me, I do not sensor my tweets!  Remember, it's my Alter Ego.  ;)  And if you start following ME as YOUR Alter Ego, please don't tell me who you are.  I want to play the game too! (Give me a signal when you follow ;) Now make up a fake Gmail account, and COME PLAY WITH ME!

p.s.  Feel free to share The Twitter Game!  
p.s.s.  What do you do when you are naughty and get disqualified?  DELETE your Alter Ego, RE-READ The Rules, and START OVER!  ;) 

Now click the birdy below to Follow me! 

Version 3.1

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Daddy Box

Shortly after my girls and I moved in with my new husband, I decided we needed a safe place for Nicole to keep the cards and letters she received from her Grandparents and occasionally her Father.  Even though they live only 2 hours away, the mail is their only means of communication.  In the beginning these letters came quite frequently, and they started to pile up around the house.  So we went box hunting!  Back then Nicole was 6, so she HAD to have a Disney Princess box.  I found a beautiful, shiny Princess box adorned with gold plated corners and handles.  We named it The Daddy Box. 

The Daddy Box sits on the top shelf in my girls bedroom closet.  It is almost full of cards and letters now, as it has been sitting there for nearly 4 years.  The box comes out occasionally, but it is rarely to reminisce.  It saddens me to say that it only comes down from the shelf when my girl is having a bad day or has just been reprimanded for doing something wrong.  I hate that The Daddy Box has become her outlet when she is upset.  That was never my intention. 

This weekend was no different.  The Daddy Box made its appearance when Nicole was grounded to her room.  She typically does not take her ADHD medicine on the weekends, and this day had been hard for her.  By the way, she's had all A's & E's in conduct since being diagnosed with ADHD and starting on the lowest dosage of Vyvance.  We send her to room sometimes to cool down and re-focus on what's important.  It was only for an hour, and she needed to clean her room anyway!

This weekend The Daddy Box experience had a new spin.  My youngest Daughter Reese was sucked into the box as well!  As she asked me to read her card after card (I could keep going here=), I knew she had absolutely no idea who the cards were from.  I read who signed each card, but <Please don't judge me here> since she has another Mee Maw, Reese just assumed the cards were from the Mee Maw she sees every week.  I let her believe it.

Should I feel guilty for not explaining who the cards and letters were really from?  I truly wasn't in the mood for that discussion.  Isn't she too young at 5 to understand anyway? 

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Oaf

Oaf - n.  A big clumsy, usually slow-witted person <an oaf who bumped into everything he passed>. 

This noun caught my attention when I glanced in my  Daughter's Thesaurus tonight.  As I'm typing this, it does sound a little unordinary for me to be reading a Thesaurus, so let me explain.  Shortly before bedtime my husband and I snuck off into our attached garage.  Again, odd I know, but this seems to be the only place we can hide in our home without being interrupted by a kid!  As we were talking, I looked down and saw the book lying near the door.  As I reached to grab it, I happened to place my fingers on the first page of the letter O.  Oddly enough, Oaf is the first word starting this section.  I felt compelled to read the synonyms of this rarely used word out loud.  As I did, Bruce and I looked at each other and knew instantly we were thinking the same thing.  We have new names to call my ex-husband!  My favorite synonyms were klutz, schlepp, lumpkin, imbecile, and meathead.

This week, my Oaf of an ex-husband thought it appropriate to send me a "text message" asking for my help in expediting a picture order he had placed.  I guess he is thinking that since I took his children (that he hasn't seen in 4 years) to the photographer to take Christmas pictures, AND since I was nice enough to send his family the link to buy the pictures, I should ALSO be required to assist him with purchasing them.  Apparently there have been some delays, and the photographer is not responding fast enough for him! 

Although his random, ridiculous requests typically do not surprise me, this one was bold.    Would you ask your ex-wife for help the same week you received a letter from her attorney threatening you with a civil suite?

I installed the new Android Blacklist APP on my EVO after that most recent series of texts.  After I replied to his request with my Attorney's phone number, he called ME a joke!  And who lives with their parents at age 43?  I'm really starting to it only the alcohol that has affected his view of reality or something more? 

At least now I can go to my Blacklist APP when I am in the mood for crazy! 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Daddy File

I love how children can make such great analogies on life and not even realize they are doing it.  My oldest Daughter made my heart hurt and my eyes cry for joy in one simple statement tonight.  She explained that her heart was like a filing cabinet.  The important files were at the top and then the rest were filed underneath.  I instantly pictured my computer screen in my head.

Nicole said the top files of her heart belonged to me and her birth Father for most of her life.  As she explained that the files were side by side, she held her fingers up to her heart and made two small rectangles.  She continued by saying that now the file for her birth Father had sunken deep down into her tummy.  As she said this, she moved the fingers from one hand down toward her stomach.  Although I hurt for her, I admired how strong she was being as she shared these difficult feelings.

Her final words are what made me cry.  She grined when she said that the missing file in her heart was now replaced by her new Daddy.  With great pride in her statement, she placed a new rectangle on her heart with her little fingers.

Love you honey!

Friday, March 4, 2011

My Current Dilemma

I felt like sharing my current dilemma with you this evening.  I am trying to decide if I should continue to share my blog posts with my ex-husband and his family.  I have not shared with them that I started writing a blog in fear of the backlash I would receive.  I do sometimes copy and past the blog and send it via e-mail.  The conversation came up when I asked my hubby what he thought about me sending them the last blog post I made.  The post basically said that I thought it might be time for Nicole to accept the fact that her Dad is probably never going to come see her. 

There are several reasons why I hesitate to send them the post: 

First of all, they have completely ignored my 8 page letter asking for help, as well as several e-mails that followed.  Do they really deserve to hear the struggles my girls are dealing with?  They didn't care enough to reply to me or even call and see how they could help.

Secondly, I wonder if they will think I am trying to make them feel bad, as if I am shaming them? 

Thirdly, and I almost hate to admit this, but part of me feels like I want them to hurt as much as Nicole does.  I want them to KNOW the pain she is going through.  My ex-husbands family refuses to get involved in my girls' life at all.  My posts would force them to be involved.  Am I completely wrong for thinking this way?

And lastly, I should have known that I would re-light the fires of my ex-husband by contacting his family.  He has been off the radar for nearly a year.  The silence has now been broken and he has begun his ritual harassment of my family and I.  I reached my breaking point this week and was forced to have my attorney send him a certified letter to cease any further contact or I will be forced to file a civil suite.  I can't even share with you ugly details of his latest slander toward me.  So this seems to be more of a legal question.  Can I send him my posts when a lawyer just told him he is not allowed to contact me?

Well that's my current dilemma in a nutshell.  Honestly, I think the last reason is my only hesitation.  Maybe that means this is a question for a lawyer. 

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I think it's time

Tonight Nicole asked to call her Dad again.  She has asked occasionally since I reached out to her Dad's family to try and speak with him about the hurt he is causing his Daughters.  I've finally gotten over the shock that they haven't even bothered to reply.  Each time Nicole has asked to call I have been able to push it off onto her therapist.  I would say, "Let's wait until we see Gayle so we can get her opinion on the situation." 

I really think it's time for Nicole to accept the fact that her Dad is not going to come visit her.  I now believe it is in her best interest to stop asking him and avoid the hurt altogether.  It's not fair that she continues to be disappointed every time she calls him.  No one deserves that kind of pain, especially a 10 year old little girl.  I only want her therapist in on this difficult conversation in hopes she will know the appropriate words to soothe her.

How do you tell an anxious 10 year old girl that her Dad is probably never going to come and see her?

Saturday, February 26, 2011

I am so proud!

Sometime last year I stopped letting my Daughter talk to her Dad for the simple fact that the conversations he had with her were completely inappropriate for a 9 year old girl to hear.   She was already struggling in school and having a hard time coping with everything.  When I had to explain to her what an illegitimate child was and prove to her that her little Brother was not one as her Dad told her on their last phone call, I knew this had to stop!

Nicole continued to struggle in school with grades as well as have behavior issues.  Her grades dropped from A's and B's to B's and C's.  She continued to get in trouble at school for talking, not following directions, and not listening to the teachers.  She even had N's in conduct on the end of year report card.  For those who haven't seen a report card in a while, that's non-satisfactory!  Nicole also had a very hard time concentrating, doing homework and even reading books (which she used to love doing). 

It had been apparent for some time that she was more distracted than usual and upset quite often.  She would get angry at the drop of a hat and have a very hard time calming down.  When asked why she was mad she usually said it was because of her Dad.  She felt very hurt that her Dad was not there for her and a part of her life.  It was obvious that something was missing from her life and she was really struggling with this for the first time.  She just couldn't seem to stop obsessing about it to the point of making herself cry!

In November I decided to take Nicole to see the pediatrician.  She literally cried when the Doctor asked her how she was feeling.  He highly recommended that I take her to see a psychologist/therapist as well as have her evaluated for ADHD.  With her grades slipping and her constant bad reports for behavior, I needed to explore every option to help her.  My family and I had always suspected that she might have ADHD, but we were never really sure.  She displayed many symptoms, but we always seemed to manage.   

After having her evaluated by the Doctor, Psychologist, her Teachers, and my Husband and I, the Doctor confirmed that she did in fact have ADHD.  Her Doctor required an EKG and blood work to review her overall health, and then discussed the options with us.  I had never been a big advocate of medicine, so I was forced to do an extreme amount of research on ADHD once this was determined.

On her 1st day back at school from Christmas break, Nicole started taking the medication for ADHD.  I am over joyed to say that it has helped her tremendously.  She has been able to focus in school and has not gotten ONE MARK for BAD BEHAVIOR SINCE!  I met to discuss her progress with her teachers and the school counselor and they all gave her glowing reviews!  They said she is paying attention in class, staying focused, and her grades are already improving. She is following directions and listening to the teachers.
I am also proud to say that her latest report card had all E's in conduct for the first time in her life!!  That's EXCELLENT, by the way!  I feel like we have done the right thing and my Daughter is SO PROUD of her own progress.  She realizes that she is improving, which makes her try even harder.  She actually wants to go to school now and is reading books on her own!  This is truly a step in the right direction for her education and overall life.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"So there's a chance!"

It has been almost a month that has passed since Nicole reached out to her Father. She has not seen him in nearly 4 years. I am actually very proud of her for finally finding the courage to call and plead for her Dad to come and visit. I figured this day would come, but I was not prepared for the hurt it could cause. He completely evaded her questions, but still managed to leave her thinking there's a chance. All she wants to know is what her Dad is going to do. What do I tell her when she asks again to call? What's even more disappointing to me, is that her Dad has not called even once to see how she is doing or ask how he could help his daughter in nearly 30 days. Even after reading my letter that specifically detailed his daughters recent troubles.

There are often times that I stop and wonder how I ever got myself into this situation. How did I become the divorced wife of an unemployed, 43 year old alcoholic who cares nothing for his children? I would have never dreamed I would write a letter like this the day I looked into his eyes and promised him "I do". But I recall explicitly the day I knew my marriage was over. My husband was upstairs on our home computer looking at pictures. I was on a life changing journey when I made that trip up our stairs. I got down on my knees and begged the love of my life to quit drinking for good. I warned him that night that I was making my final plea for him to stop. I would not ask again. I knew that mentally, I could handle no more. I would not raise my children in this type of environment. I sometimes wonder if he even remembers this pivotal moment in his life.

My ex told me that night that he would stop drinking. He promised me that he would do it this time. I really wanted to believe him and probably even did a little. You always want to believe an alcoholic no matter how many times you've been let down.

It only took two days to know the fate of my marriage. If I recall, he did try using a different hiding spot for his usual $10 souvenir cup size of wine. I'm sure he didn't intentionally break his promise this time. I found the Sutter Home White Zinfandel (that was his usual choice of 4-pack) pretty quickly. I had gotten good at this game.

If I sound like I'm being cynical, it is not my intention. I have learned I can only get through this challenging life event by accepting it and growing from it. And making light of the whole terrible situation seems to help sometimes. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I know I did the right thing.

Just as my divorce was to be final, I realized that God had sent me an Angel from Heaven to help me through the pain I would endure from this difficult loss. I had known this Angel for years and always been friendly business acquaintances.  I knew his family, and was thankful they welcomed my girls and I with open arms.  He had personally dealt with alcoholism in his past and offered supportive advice.  He was aware of my situation, was a shoulder to lean on and showed genuine concern. He was respectful of my pending divorce, my hesitation to have a relationship with any man so quickly, and he was such the Gentleman!

Somewhere along the line I fell in love with that man. He embraced my children as if they were his own and continues to this day. He is their Daddy. I thank God that he was there for me when I needed help. And I thank god every day that I married him.

I hate that he has to now endure my pain too.