Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day!

To My Wonderful Husband & Father to My Children...

A dad is a person
Who's loving and kind,
And often he knows
What you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens,
Suggest and defends...
A dad can be one
Of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
But when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient
And helpful and strong.
In all that you do
A dad's love plays a part -
There's always a place for him
Deep in your heart -
And each year that passes,
You're even more glad,
More grateful and proud
Just to call him your dad!

-Unknown Author

Friday, June 17, 2011


Like the corners of my mind!~

May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget

So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Stranger at the Door

Tonight my Daughter re-told me the story of the evening when her Father left her alone in our first home.   Flashbacks of that day went racing through my mind.  I clearly remember the phone call that sent me rushing home from the office.   It had been a long time since she had mentioned the occasion, and she still explained the night exactly as before.  But this time there was a slight deviation in her memory.  She added a specific fact that was so quintessential of an alcoholic, I'm surprised she never pointed it out before. 

Nicole explained this time that she always knew when her Dad was about to leave her by the ritual he performed before rushing out to the store.  She recalled being coaxed to my bedroom by the promise of Sponge Bob in Mommy & Daddy's cushy bed.  She wanted to ask if her little sister could join her in that king size retreat, but she knew he would leave her upstairs in the crib.

While she was talking, I had a sick feeling that this scenario happened more times than I knew.  This time there were two things that my girls Dad did not plan on disrupting his calculating plan.  As Nicole watched Spongebob, she heard the doorbell ring.  She described to me in detail how she peered out the small window looking out on our front porch.  She did not recognize the man she saw staring back at her. 

As any 5 year old girl would do, she told me how she called for Daddy while roaming throughout the house.  When she could not find him, the fear that she was alone with a stranger soon set in.  I smiled to hear that her first instinct was to climb into the crib with her little Sister!  I know now that my girl is so motherly and protective for a reason.  She recalled how she covered herself and her Sister with a blanket and called me from the home phone.  That was the second thing Nicole's Dad did not plan for.

At this point in her story, I was silently pleased to see that her memory had began to fade.  She noted a few more highlights of that momentous night, many things of which I have chosen to forget.  My mind started to wander as she concluded.  I was thinking how thankful I was to finally hear some contentment in her voice.  I could tell she was starting to understand her situation and accept the fact that her Father is an Alcoholic.  I hated to even remind her that it will be 4 years on Father's Day since she had last seen him.  That is certainly not an Anniversary a little girl should have to mark on her calendar.

p.s.  Nicole has only told her story to a handful of people, so you should feel honored if you ever hear it in person.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I recommend taking the Enabling quiz!

Enabling - When 'Helping' Doesn't Really Help - By @Buddy_T

As long as the alcoholic has his enabling devices in place, it is easy for him to continue to deny he has a problem -- since most of his problems are being "solved" by those around him.  Only when he is forced to face the consequences of his own actions, will it finally begin to sink in how deep his problem has become.

Click HERE to see if you are an Enabler

All you are is Mean...

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody's listening

Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Taylor Swift

Sunday, June 5, 2011

It's a sad "Look"

It's a rare occasion that I bring up my ex-husband in a group setting.  I certainly didn't mean to do it yesterday, but it just slipped out!  My new Father-in-Law was telling a story about restaurants in New York and it reminded me of when I had been to the same well known Deli.  In conversation I mentioned that I had eaten there with my ex on a weekend get-a-way! 

I think in most families such a blurb would have been a trivial comment, but in my case it was pivotal remark.  I would soon remember why I seldom mention him when we are out.  I nonchalantly glanced down at Nicole as I made the slip of the tongue.  I knew I might have upset her.  At first I saw the shock and confusion on her face, as she too knew this was a rare occasion.  Her dazed look instantly changed into a somber frown as I confirmed that I was indeed talking about her Daddy.  She had intently been listening to our stories up until that point. 

As we continued to chat about food, it wasn't long before Nicole slithered off to be alone.  I knew as she walked away I should intervene.  My Girl was unexpectedly reminded of the Dad she hasn't seen in almost 4 years.  What do you say to a 10 year old that is saddened at the mention of her very own Father?