It's a sad "Look"

It's a rare occasion that I bring up my ex-husband in a group setting.  I certainly didn't mean to do it yesterday, but it just slipped out!  My new Father-in-Law was telling a story about restaurants in New York and it reminded me of when I had been to the same well known Deli.  In conversation I mentioned that I had eaten there with my ex on a weekend get-a-way! 

I think in most families such a blurb would have been a trivial comment, but in my case it was pivotal remark.  I would soon remember why I seldom mention him when we are out.  I nonchalantly glanced down at Nicole as I made the slip of the tongue.  I knew I might have upset her.  At first I saw the shock and confusion on her face, as she too knew this was a rare occasion.  Her dazed look instantly changed into a somber frown as I confirmed that I was indeed talking about her Daddy.  She had intently been listening to our stories up until that point. 

As we continued to chat about food, it wasn't long before Nicole slithered off to be alone.  I knew as she walked away I should intervene.  My Girl was unexpectedly reminded of the Dad she hasn't seen in almost 4 years.  What do you say to a 10 year old that is saddened at the mention of her very own Father?

Nicole's Diary

It's fun to play games
but watching the clouds
can bring back memories
I was visiting my grandparents
it felt like the longest trip in the world
and I just watched the clouds

Clouds are fun
but not the best
there is more fun things
Just to keep it simple
Fun is shared with laughter

Pathological Liar - A future letter from my Daughter....

By ~tas-poetry

It is no mystery
That your lips only speak of fictional stories
You use to compose your identity
Not a word you speak has any resemblance with truth
For you are made of a thick façade of lies
Whether it be big or small, you care not
As long as there is no glimpse of honesty
Underlying in the words you speak
For the revelation of truth is what you fear most

I know that those lies masquerade
An overt denial of unpleasant realities
I know that deep down you are a tormented soul
That lies provide you with relief
A relief you long for
I know that you are a stranger in your own body
But you have lost all credibility now
Your lies are inconsistent
You are no longer a father
But a manipulative man
That only breeds chaos in our family

Your deception is no longer welcome
You, Dad, are no longer welcome in my life
Now it is my time to neglect you
The way you neglected me
For the way you abused my mother
For the emptiness you have left in my heart
As I grew up without a father
For all the promises you have broken deliberately
But even more so, for making promises
That you had no intention on keeping

Yes, I know that you use lies
To cover up the dirt of your insecurities
And I know that when you left me
You knew you left a big part of you
In the wilderness to grow up
Without fifty percent of the guidance I needed
But my mother and I are better off without you
Because you are too stubborn to admit the guilt
You feel in a small space in your heart
You are too arrogant to admit your faults
And you have too much pride
To apologize
And even if you did
It would be a lie
Because that has become your nature

You are the oxygen that abandoned my lungs
You are the blood that escaped my heart
And every time I pass my reflection in the mirror
I see you
The ugliness of you
That I inherited
I have all the physical attributes you have
Our faces are identical
But even worse
I have your mind
Your insecurities
Your stubbornness
Your emotional immaturity
Your weaknesses
I am ugly because of you

But there are things that I am proud of
I have compassion
Sensitivity
The ability to respect
The ability to love
None of which you have
But all of which my mother has taught me
The beautiful woman you married
The woman you scarred
And yes the woman that survived
All of your abuse and emotional torture
The woman that has taught me the meaning of inner strength
The woman you imprisoned for years
Who finally escaped
From the bars of your lies
She is my inspiration
My idol
My mother

And most importantly
I am proud
That I speak the truth
And if I do not speak the truth
Then I refuse to speak at all
A quality you will never have
I am better than you, Dad
And I cannot forgive you
Because that would be betraying
The woman that raised me
The woman that loved me
The woman that gave me all that you didn’t

You're a pathological liar. ~tas-poetry on @deviantART http://t.co/jUqSvi0

Want a good laugh???  Check out the comments below from an "Anonymous" poster who for some reason feels the need to defend a man who hasn't seen his kids in nearly 4 years!  There's always one!  ;)