Monday, March 21, 2011

The Daddy Box

Shortly after my girls and I moved in with my new husband, I decided we needed a safe place for Nicole to keep the cards and letters she received from her Grandparents and occasionally her Father.  Even though they live only 2 hours away, the mail is their only means of communication.  In the beginning these letters came quite frequently, and they started to pile up around the house.  So we went box hunting!  Back then Nicole was 6, so she HAD to have a Disney Princess box.  I found a beautiful, shiny Princess box adorned with gold plated corners and handles.  We named it The Daddy Box. 

The Daddy Box sits on the top shelf in my girls bedroom closet.  It is almost full of cards and letters now, as it has been sitting there for nearly 4 years.  The box comes out occasionally, but it is rarely to reminisce.  It saddens me to say that it only comes down from the shelf when my girl is having a bad day or has just been reprimanded for doing something wrong.  I hate that The Daddy Box has become her outlet when she is upset.  That was never my intention. 

This weekend was no different.  The Daddy Box made its appearance when Nicole was grounded to her room.  She typically does not take her ADHD medicine on the weekends, and this day had been hard for her.  By the way, she's had all A's & E's in conduct since being diagnosed with ADHD and starting on the lowest dosage of Vyvance.  We send her to room sometimes to cool down and re-focus on what's important.  It was only for an hour, and she needed to clean her room anyway!

This weekend The Daddy Box experience had a new spin.  My youngest Daughter Reese was sucked into the box as well!  As she asked me to read her card after card (I could keep going here=), I knew she had absolutely no idea who the cards were from.  I read who signed each card, but <Please don't judge me here> since she has another Mee Maw, Reese just assumed the cards were from the Mee Maw she sees every week.  I let her believe it.

Should I feel guilty for not explaining who the cards and letters were really from?  I truly wasn't in the mood for that discussion.  Isn't she too young at 5 to understand anyway? 

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Oaf

Oaf - n.  A big clumsy, usually slow-witted person <an oaf who bumped into everything he passed>. 

This noun caught my attention when I glanced in my  Daughter's Thesaurus tonight.  As I'm typing this, it does sound a little unordinary for me to be reading a Thesaurus, so let me explain.  Shortly before bedtime my husband and I snuck off into our attached garage.  Again, odd I know, but this seems to be the only place we can hide in our home without being interrupted by a kid!  As we were talking, I looked down and saw the book lying near the door.  As I reached to grab it, I happened to place my fingers on the first page of the letter O.  Oddly enough, Oaf is the first word starting this section.  I felt compelled to read the synonyms of this rarely used word out loud.  As I did, Bruce and I looked at each other and knew instantly we were thinking the same thing.  We have new names to call my ex-husband!  My favorite synonyms were klutz, schlepp, lumpkin, imbecile, and meathead.

This week, my Oaf of an ex-husband thought it appropriate to send me a "text message" asking for my help in expediting a picture order he had placed.  I guess he is thinking that since I took his children (that he hasn't seen in 4 years) to the photographer to take Christmas pictures, AND since I was nice enough to send his family the link to buy the pictures, I should ALSO be required to assist him with purchasing them.  Apparently there have been some delays, and the photographer is not responding fast enough for him! 

Although his random, ridiculous requests typically do not surprise me, this one was bold.    Would you ask your ex-wife for help the same week you received a letter from her attorney threatening you with a civil suite?

I installed the new Android Blacklist APP on my EVO after that most recent series of texts.  After I replied to his request with my Attorney's phone number, he called ME a joke!  And who lives with their parents at age 43?  I'm really starting to it only the alcohol that has affected his view of reality or something more? 

At least now I can go to my Blacklist APP when I am in the mood for crazy! 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Daddy File

I love how children can make such great analogies on life and not even realize they are doing it.  My oldest Daughter made my heart hurt and my eyes cry for joy in one simple statement tonight.  She explained that her heart was like a filing cabinet.  The important files were at the top and then the rest were filed underneath.  I instantly pictured my computer screen in my head.

Nicole said the top files of her heart belonged to me and her birth Father for most of her life.  As she explained that the files were side by side, she held her fingers up to her heart and made two small rectangles.  She continued by saying that now the file for her birth Father had sunken deep down into her tummy.  As she said this, she moved the fingers from one hand down toward her stomach.  Although I hurt for her, I admired how strong she was being as she shared these difficult feelings.

Her final words are what made me cry.  She grined when she said that the missing file in her heart was now replaced by her new Daddy.  With great pride in her statement, she placed a new rectangle on her heart with her little fingers.

Love you honey!

Friday, March 4, 2011

My Current Dilemma

I felt like sharing my current dilemma with you this evening.  I am trying to decide if I should continue to share my blog posts with my ex-husband and his family.  I have not shared with them that I started writing a blog in fear of the backlash I would receive.  I do sometimes copy and past the blog and send it via e-mail.  The conversation came up when I asked my hubby what he thought about me sending them the last blog post I made.  The post basically said that I thought it might be time for Nicole to accept the fact that her Dad is probably never going to come see her. 

There are several reasons why I hesitate to send them the post: 

First of all, they have completely ignored my 8 page letter asking for help, as well as several e-mails that followed.  Do they really deserve to hear the struggles my girls are dealing with?  They didn't care enough to reply to me or even call and see how they could help.

Secondly, I wonder if they will think I am trying to make them feel bad, as if I am shaming them? 

Thirdly, and I almost hate to admit this, but part of me feels like I want them to hurt as much as Nicole does.  I want them to KNOW the pain she is going through.  My ex-husbands family refuses to get involved in my girls' life at all.  My posts would force them to be involved.  Am I completely wrong for thinking this way?

And lastly, I should have known that I would re-light the fires of my ex-husband by contacting his family.  He has been off the radar for nearly a year.  The silence has now been broken and he has begun his ritual harassment of my family and I.  I reached my breaking point this week and was forced to have my attorney send him a certified letter to cease any further contact or I will be forced to file a civil suite.  I can't even share with you ugly details of his latest slander toward me.  So this seems to be more of a legal question.  Can I send him my posts when a lawyer just told him he is not allowed to contact me?

Well that's my current dilemma in a nutshell.  Honestly, I think the last reason is my only hesitation.  Maybe that means this is a question for a lawyer. 

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I think it's time

Tonight Nicole asked to call her Dad again.  She has asked occasionally since I reached out to her Dad's family to try and speak with him about the hurt he is causing his Daughters.  I've finally gotten over the shock that they haven't even bothered to reply.  Each time Nicole has asked to call I have been able to push it off onto her therapist.  I would say, "Let's wait until we see Gayle so we can get her opinion on the situation." 

I really think it's time for Nicole to accept the fact that her Dad is not going to come visit her.  I now believe it is in her best interest to stop asking him and avoid the hurt altogether.  It's not fair that she continues to be disappointed every time she calls him.  No one deserves that kind of pain, especially a 10 year old little girl.  I only want her therapist in on this difficult conversation in hopes she will know the appropriate words to soothe her.

How do you tell an anxious 10 year old girl that her Dad is probably never going to come and see her?