Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"So there's a chance!"

It has been almost a month that has passed since Nicole reached out to her Father. She has not seen him in nearly 4 years. I am actually very proud of her for finally finding the courage to call and plead for her Dad to come and visit. I figured this day would come, but I was not prepared for the hurt it could cause. He completely evaded her questions, but still managed to leave her thinking there's a chance. All she wants to know is what her Dad is going to do. What do I tell her when she asks again to call? What's even more disappointing to me, is that her Dad has not called even once to see how she is doing or ask how he could help his daughter in nearly 30 days. Even after reading my letter that specifically detailed his daughters recent troubles.

There are often times that I stop and wonder how I ever got myself into this situation. How did I become the divorced wife of an unemployed, 43 year old alcoholic who cares nothing for his children? I would have never dreamed I would write a letter like this the day I looked into his eyes and promised him "I do". But I recall explicitly the day I knew my marriage was over. My husband was upstairs on our home computer looking at pictures. I was on a life changing journey when I made that trip up our stairs. I got down on my knees and begged the love of my life to quit drinking for good. I warned him that night that I was making my final plea for him to stop. I would not ask again. I knew that mentally, I could handle no more. I would not raise my children in this type of environment. I sometimes wonder if he even remembers this pivotal moment in his life.

My ex told me that night that he would stop drinking. He promised me that he would do it this time. I really wanted to believe him and probably even did a little. You always want to believe an alcoholic no matter how many times you've been let down.

It only took two days to know the fate of my marriage. If I recall, he did try using a different hiding spot for his usual $10 souvenir cup size of wine. I'm sure he didn't intentionally break his promise this time. I found the Sutter Home White Zinfandel (that was his usual choice of 4-pack) pretty quickly. I had gotten good at this game.

If I sound like I'm being cynical, it is not my intention. I have learned I can only get through this challenging life event by accepting it and growing from it. And making light of the whole terrible situation seems to help sometimes. Leaving my husband was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I know I did the right thing.

Just as my divorce was to be final, I realized that God had sent me an Angel from Heaven to help me through the pain I would endure from this difficult loss. I had known this Angel for years and always been friendly business acquaintances.  I knew his family, and was thankful they welcomed my girls and I with open arms.  He had personally dealt with alcoholism in his past and offered supportive advice.  He was aware of my situation, was a shoulder to lean on and showed genuine concern. He was respectful of my pending divorce, my hesitation to have a relationship with any man so quickly, and he was such the Gentleman!

Somewhere along the line I fell in love with that man. He embraced my children as if they were his own and continues to this day. He is their Daddy. I thank God that he was there for me when I needed help. And I thank god every day that I married him.

I hate that he has to now endure my pain too.

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