Sunday, February 13, 2011

Are they ignoring me?

It's been almost two weeks since I mailed my 8 page letter to my ex-husbands family.  Yes I know, I had a lot to say!  I'm quite sure they received my lengthy plea on the 4th, as I received a random text from my ex asking me why I was harassing his family.  If by sending them a letter asking them to help him understand the ramifications of what he is doing to his daughters, then by all means I am being harassing!

I'm sure I caught them by surprise by sending such a lengthy letter out of the blue, especially after nearly 4 years have passed with only minimal contact (ie. birthday's and holidays).  Even though my request was unforeseen, I would think it polite to at least acknowledge my plea.  Let me add here, I even sent a follow up e-mail to my letter to everyone on the 5th.  I apologized if I came off as harassing and for not making more of an effort in the past. I offered a more open line of communication in the future and reminded them the girls are hurting from the loss of their family.  I also sent them several pictures of the girls and offered to share more in the future.

Still nothing.  No letter, no phone call of concern, no e-mail.  I'd be happy with an e-mail just saying we received your letter and we'll get back with you.  Honestly, I'd rather have an e-mail telling me to "Go To Hell" than the silent treatment.  At least I know where you stand.  A good friend of mine told me (after reading the letter), that I shouldn't get my hopes up.  I think she could feel the small glimpse of hope I had, and was trying to save me from getting hurt again.  I keep telling myself that she is probably right.  She usually is.

I don't know why I have tried to enlist the help of a family that makes zero effort to be a part of my girls lives.  Sometimes I think I reached out to them because it is their obligation.  Other times I blame my lack of outreach and effort to communicate as their reason for staying away.  But when it comes down to it, I made the effort for Nicole.  I wanted to know that I extended the olive branch.  I let them know my girls were struggling with the loss of their Father and his extended family.  I asked for their help and the need to be more involved. 

I will give Grandma one praise.  She is habitual about sending bi-weekly letters and special occasion cards.  I received a new letter dated the 4th for my girls and Valentine's cards on the 11th.  While I appreciate the gesture and my girls are somewhat enthuased when they get these cards and letters, they have become like a thorn in my oldests side.  It's just a reminder that they are only a family she knows on paper.  It is a reminder that they don't care enough to be a part of their childhood in real life.  My girls don't need a pen pal, they need the touch and feel of the love of this missing family.  They DO like the dollar that is always inside! :)

I haven't given the girls their most recent letter or the Valentine's cards yet.  I brought them home and left them in my purse all weekend.  Am I a terrible person or what?  I guess I'll give them out tomorrow.  I probably subconciously held on to them because I didn't want it to ruin my weekened.  Oh, and Nicole has asked twice if anyone has replied to my letter.  I could tell she was dissapointed when I told her no each time.  Guess I better start coming up with my next plan of action.      

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